Oh well, life will go on...

Well, the inevitable hit this past weekend, I turned 40. Thankfully, it wasn't really all that traumatic. For some strange reason, I think I had a harder time turning 35 because that's when my metabolism started to go in reverse. But even so this milestone birthday gave me reason to sit back an reflect on a number of things.

It only seemed natural that I start by wondering what regrets I might have about the first 40 years. And while there are a number of stupid things I wish I could go back and do over, there are really two or three that jumped out at me.

First, I wish I had started camping up in the Boundary Waters in my late teens or early 20's. I didn't take my first trip up there until I was 30, but I guess late is better than never. In the 11 trips I've done up there since, I've come to discover just how refreshing the BWCA is for my mind, body and spirit. I can't think of many other places where I feel as close to God as I do there. I guess it doesn't hurt that I've caught most of my biggest fish up there, but even so, there is something so serene about the wilderness that I can't imagine what my life would be like without it. I hope and pray that I can continue to make my annual spring trip up there for the next 30+ years. A few years ago one of the members of our group was a 70 year old man who stilled portaged his own canoe, so I've got something to shoot for.

My other greatest regret is not learning how to forgive sooner. Unfortunately, I have let myself hold on to grudges or hurts for far too long and made myself a prisoner of my own resentments and seriously damaged some close relationships. My wife Bridget will often ask me, "In the scope of eternity, just how important is this?" And I wish that were a perspective that I kept before me each and every day. I know the havoc that unforgiveness can wreak on someone physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally, but that knowledge has not always translated itself into action. If there is one area that I'd like to transformed in my life it is the ability and willingness to be a more grace-filled individual. I am constantly reminded of the apostle Paul's words, "Forgive just as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).

But looking back is really only half of the story. At 40, I've still got at least 37 years to look forward to, at least according the most recent statistics from the CDC. Admittedly, many of the things that I can look forward to aren't all that encouraging: a slow but steady deterioration of the brain, prostate issues, an ever-slowing metabolism, and a myriad of other health problems. That's inevitable. But I don't have to let those sorts of things define my life. So as I think about the next 35-40 years, I really hope that I can do the following:

1. Invest even more time in my family. I have truly been blessed with an amazing wife and great kids. And while I have been a less-than-perfect husband and dad, I realize one of the things I really do look forward to is time with Bridget, Zoë and Ezra. In many ways they will be my ultimate legacy. Most people will forget or choose not to remember what I've done at Oasis or whatever other church I may serve. And while working for God's kingdom is of utmost importance, I've come to realize that if I'm not caring for or providing for my family, it really is a vanity of vanities. I think it was Lee Iococca who originally said, "I've never heard anyone laying on their deathbed say, 'Gee, I wish I had spent more time in the office.'"

2. Just enjoy the people around me even more. I tend to be a task-driven, structured sort of person; success is measured by production, which means that I don't always enjoy or appreciate the people that God has brought into my life. And that has been to my detriment. Yet as I look at the friends, co-workers and colleagues that God has brought into my life, I'm beginning to realize what a fool I'd be if I didn't simply enjoy those friendships. Perhaps, I'm finally feeling comfortable with being the Gen-X slacker that I really am, but the truth is I'll never be able to finish all of the projects that I think I need to get done or there will always be another problem to tackle. So instead of being so focused on the goal, I need to learn to enjoy the process all the more. I'm beginning to realize that vacation is all the more satisfying if you can enjoy the journey to your destination.

3. Grow in wisdom. They say wisdom comes with age, and I'd like to think that at 40 I've accumulated some wisdom. And instead of lamenting that I wish I had known then what I know now, I hope that I can truly learn from both my successes and failures. I think it was Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. My hope is that I'm finally tired enough of making some of the same stupid mistakes over and over and over and over that I'll finally learn to do things differently. Then again, breaking old habits is one of the most challenging things to do. I guess I can only hope and pray.

If nothing else, I constantly remind myself that age is really a state of mind, and as long as I think that I'm 26, there isn't much that I won't try. My body might tell me what a fool I was, but I don't want to grow old before my time. Cheers to all!